I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize