Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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