Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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