Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
