Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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