i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
