dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
