I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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