I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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