He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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