The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize