i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
