all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
