I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
