Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
