She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
