six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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