Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
