the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
