What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
