So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize