nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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