He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize