I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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