I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize