yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
