my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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