No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
