You can't special order awesome
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
