he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
