I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
