my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude i'm inner monologue high
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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