3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
