Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
