I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
