she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
