Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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