I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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