I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
