Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
