I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
