Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
