Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
