I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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