I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
