She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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