Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
