I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
