Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
