Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A+ Viking dick
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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