even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
