I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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