from now on my penis is your penis
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
