The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
