y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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