thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
