Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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