his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
