the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just googled if crying burns calories
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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