Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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