What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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