phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
