discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize