I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
