You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This baby is an asshole
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
