She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
