Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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