fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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