If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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