I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
