look no pants
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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