She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
