You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
