so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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