eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
