have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
