I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
how does that bad decision feel?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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