who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
