i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
