I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
