Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
