i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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