GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
