How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
