super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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