His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
