why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
