Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
