I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
