dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
