it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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