dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it because I queefed?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
