Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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