well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
