Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
