Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
