So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize