I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
