Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
