Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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