Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
