im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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