Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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