i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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