You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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