May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
